Unexpected Blessings

Carson had a rough week last week. He had a panic attack at school on Tuesday and came home very upset. He finally broke down in tears and told me he felt like a wimp because he had been scared that day at school when they had shot off rockets on the playground. We talked through him not being a wimp and what he thought would make him less afraid. We agreed on some things and I thought it was resolved.
Then the next day he came home really emotional again saying that a boy on the playground thought he was a wimp. I knew that this little boy is as good kid and a friend to Carson so I thought that he was really still having a problem with himself feeling like a wimp, so we discussed it further again and I left the situation feeling like it was resolved.

The next day he again comes home upset and this time refused to talk to me about it. Finally as I was tucking him into bed he told me that the little boy was making fun of him because he picks his nose all the time (which at this point in time is very much the truth thanks to good old obsessive compulsive) and this little boy told Carson that he was a wimp because of it. Well, I said that this boy shouldn’t have made fun of him, but asked him if he thought he picked his nose too much. He agreed, but insisted that he was really itching it most of the time. He finally went to sleep and I went to bed cursing the little boys name for making Carson feel bad for something he can’t control.

This coupled with some other issues made it an emotional week all around for the poor kid (Carson), but from this experience something amazing happened for Carson – He stopped picking his nose. Flash forward a few days to Saturday when Nathan and I were talking and realized that Carson had not had a nose bleed all week. I started observing Carson and noticed that every time he went to pick his nose he instead went and got a tissue to blow it. He was able to harness his compulsion and do something about it. He now blows his nose about a gazillion times a day, but he took the lead and was able to control something that up to this point he wasn’t able to. We went through a lot of tissue, but that night Carson went to bed nosebleed free and I went to bed blessing the little boys’ name for making Carson confront a problem and for the first time, take control and work it out himself.

As I write this I am struck by how sometimes our biggest trials seem to always yield the most unexpected blessings. If not for the teasing, Carson may have never tried (or cared to try) to stop a compulsive habit of his. Carson himself and his special spirit has pushed and forced me to be the best mother I can. Would I have been that way without his special needs? Would I have been content to put my mothering on autopilot and spend more time being “me” centered with my career, my own interests, and desires? Unfortunately, my answer is probably “yes”. Thanks to Carson and Carter (my other wonderful handful of a son) I am fully aware of the important role that I play, a role that is downplayed in current society. It is often portrayed as unrewarding or not of great worth because of its’ lack of glamour, money, and recognition from others, but thanks to the trials associated with raising Carson I realize that there is absolutely nothing as important as being a mother to my two sons. Nothing is as important as being there for my kids when they have rough weeks, when they have to deal with having ADHD and GAD. Nothing. So tonight I will go to sleep blessing Carson’s name for bringing me my unexpected blessings.