Breathing

I was going to blog today about our experience with Carson being diagnosed with ADHD and GAD, but my thoughts keep turning to summer and how excited and relieved that it is here.

As the mother of Carson I seem to inhale a large breathe at the beginning of each school year and am afraid of exhaling and destroying the fragile balance which is Carson.

It seems to start with the first meeting with Carson’s new teacher. Will he or she speak to Carson in a way that will spark his attention and create a desire to learn? Is he or she going to be a good communicator with me? Will he or she want to help Carson or not want to bother with the child that is not so mainstream? Fortunately, we have been extremely blessed in the great teacher department and Carson has excelled each year.

When that hurdle is crossed, I hold my breathe over friends. Will he have a good friend? He just needs one good friend. Carson is very outgoing and luckily is mostly accepted by his peers, but Carson doesn’t always see this. Unfortunately his anxiety gets in the way and makes him feel less then adequate. It is a struggle throughout the year. So, if he can find that one child that “gets” him he always does so much better.

After all that, come academics, which I worry about the least, but not enough to breathe freely. Carson is one smart cookie and does great. The struggle lays in getting him to apply himself.

So, I feel like I have been holding my breathe all year long. Every time I feel as if I can let go, there is some little bump, some episode that makes me realize that it is too soon to let my guard down. I have really been able to put my trust in Carson this year. I have not hovered over him at every moment (which is not my first instinct as a mother) and this has really helped Carson mature and spread his wings, but I was always waiting with bated breathe hoping things would stay on track for just one more day, one more week, one more month.

Now we can see the finish line! We will make it through one more year successfully! Now that the last month is here, the last week, the last day, I feel myself unwinding in anticipation of summer. Now being able to put all anxieties aside. Time to spend with Carson and Carter free of any worries or obligations. Time to exhale.